Sunday, 25 October 2015

Working towards inner peace

Before and during photo

Today marked two months to the day since the photo on the left hand side was taken. The photo was taken exactly two days before I did the best thing I could have done for me - joined Slimming World. The photo on the right hand side was taken today, almost two months on and one and a half stone lighter with a happier (better dressed) Shan staring back at the camera.

The decision to join Slimming World came just after my 21st birthday when I received the photos back from my party and ended up in tears scrolling through them. I had gained quite a bit of weight since graduating from university, primarily working at a desk and having a love affair with Pizza Hut but this was the pivotal moment - me crying on a sofa at a picture of me surrounded by my nearest and dearest, feeling ashamed about how I looked rather than how happy I was that night. This was my turning point.

Now this isn't the part where I say that I clicked my fingers and decided to embrace my body and be confident like so many of the girls I follow (and admire!) online are. This is the part where I tell you that for three weeks following my tearful turning point I thought about my relationship with my body and how I had never really been happy in it, not once. I thought about the inner discontent that had consumed me for so long and had finally led me to feel embarrassed about myself on one of the best nights of my life, my 21st birthday. The same inner discontent that had told me I was the odd one out among my beautiful university classmates on our group graduation photo. And the same inner discontent that had told me that I would never be good enough.

I've discussed body image on my blog before and I am a huge advocate for body confidence and self-love and follow an incredible amount of beautiful inspirational women of all different shapes, sizes, race and religion across the internet but there comes a time when a girl's gotta practice what she preaches, right? I'm a person that can find beauty in everything and everyone but won't give myself the time of day when it comes to self-appreciation.

In fact, after writing this post back in April after being called a "f*cking fat c*nt" by a kind gentleman in the street, I received a lot of grateful feedback from wonderful ladies saying that it had empowered or struck a chord with them and that made me feel great. I was especially proud (and still am) of myself on that day for sticking up for myself and truly believing in me, because truthfully? I do.

But how long did it last? Not very long at all. The following day I returned to my daily routine of mirror self-loathing and discontent and I'd be lying if I said I no longer did that routine. But I don't want to be the old lady who's only regret was not embracing life because she was too worried about her body. I don't want to feel uncomfortable in a sleeveless dress or tell myself I'm not good enough anymore. I want to be content being me and Slimming World has given me that opportunity.

So right now, I'm working towards my own inner peace and for me, that's feeling better on the outside to fix what's been going on on the inside for far too long.

TO BE CONTINUED...

6 comments:

  1. Good for you, and you look AMAZING. I want to join SW too so bad!

    Sophie x

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